Well, it beats (pun intended) the hell out of me too.

Disclaimer: While the question is irrefutably ridiculous to demand a serious answer to, I’d suggest you take the totally Einstein-backed orthodox methods employed to arrive at it, with an entire packet of Tata Namak Desh ka Namak. If you don’t, ABE ANTINATIONAL! Pakistan ka raasta bhool gaye kya? (salt salt baby).

A knowledge in differential and integral calculus, that you begrudgingly thought you might never ever use in life, would definitely come in handy now. So haha to all you losers who didn’t pay attention in school. Anyway, to the rest of us math machines, let’s give ourselves a collective no-contact pat on our backs and delve right into it.

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Let’s face it. We all have witnessed this first-hand at some point in our lives. Religious communalism is like cow-dung-on-the-sidewalk. It is holy, but at the same time it sits as a disgusting aberration, and is everywhere!

By everywhere, I mean our sexy stretch of land that is currently every Pakischinesegurkha’s wet dream.

 “Baby please let me intrude you deeper today.”

“Sure baby, lelo cow dung lubrication and some mutra for your stamina.”

So being everywhere, it is only scientifically safe to assume that almost every person has come across it at some tragic point in their lives.

Albeit the street-wise savvy, the sprightly and the truly religious and spiritual among us precariously side-step these cow dungs on a frequent basis, it’s the unsuspecting and the naïve who ignorantly put their foot into it lojak mojak pajak.

And once the deed is done, they are never quite capable of effacing either the stench or the plague. This tragically, with progression in the temporal dimension, leads to a Cotard Delusion-like-condition, where the affected develop surreal notions about their selves as zombie-doers of an imaginary entity’s (read political entity) will. This, in popular medicine is known as Retard Delusion – which in layman terms is also known as –

Take a guess.

BRAVO! You passed the test! Because trust me, if you were afflicted by this, you could never have figured it out.

However, what really makes communalism antithetical to social welfare should not be distorted by its said likeness to cow dung.

You see, manure is beneficial to the society in a myriad of ways and apart from the conventional uses, we now know it would even contribute as a survival necessity in case we are left high and dry in Mars, thanks to Matt Damon. Communalism on the other hand, has none of that cool shit (pun totally intended again) going on for it. It is through and through Mordor machinery.

Okay before the nerd in you gets impatient, let’s now jump straight into the dirt – the nitty-gritties of our calculations.

Considering the demographic dividend of our country to be around 26, the mental age of our communally charged citizenry can be deduced as follows:

Deduct 2 points from the demographic dividend, for their ignorance, pliability and deranged dogmas. Simply put, they deserve it for being the smooth-brained cognitively impaired imbeciles they are.

 No wait, make that -10, for therein lies the root cause.

-2 points for intentionally harming/killing people and guiltlessly spreading terror amongst citizens.

-2 for destruction of public property.

-2 for reaping that fear psychosis generated, for electoral gains.

-2 for warping the fundamental ideals of the Constitution – secularism, democracy and threatening the heterogeneity of the country.

-2 for faulty perception of religious texts and invoking religion to polarize the community for personal/electoral motives.

-2 for trying to brainwash and recruit paavam ambis in the promise of money and post-death dividends.

-2 for being a politician or a dope with political links.

 

If that would broadly cover all the barbarousness, then it’s but self-evident that our religious communalists are about as mature as any glorious two-year old.

Hmmm. For all you notorious 2 year olds, I just have one gesture that involves a finger.

Put it on your lips and just go to bed, until your mommas teach you to grow up.

And where’s the calculus? Here’s a real life application for you. 

You don’t use chain rule on a society, instead you let its people keep their power that is integral for their survival and make sure they work like the nice composite function they are meant to be.